My Spiritual Journey

May 12. It's my spiritual birthday.

  It seems SO hard to believe that 51 years ago, on May 12, 1961, I began a spiritual journey that so revolutionized my life.

It began when an acquaintance, Cheryl Phillipi, invited me to attend special meetings at her church. Cheryl and I were members of a club together, but I did not know her well. I was very shy in those days and had hardly any friends, probably because I was too shy to actually speak to anyone. An invitation to go anywhere was extremely rare, so I could not say no to her invitation.

I sat by myself, as was my custom in my shy days. The meeting began and something unusual happened, something that had never happened to me before even though I'd gone to church all my life. God began to speak to me. It was not audible, but it was real, clear, distinct, unmistakable. It reached the depths of my soul and shook the foundations of my life.

It was not the style or personality of the speaker. God began to speak to me even before he began. He began to speak through the songs. I remember that they sang, "Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine." I was shocked. Could someone really have assurance in things relating to God? Could they really know that Jesus was theirs, personally? Could I know that Jesus was mine? I realized immediately that I did NOT know that. I did NOT know Jesus, although I knew many facts about Him.

The guest speaker, Evangelist Billy Walker, preached about hell that night. I had never heard a message about hell or teaching about hell. I only knew it was a bad word and my mother didn't like me to say it, so us kids substituted "H E double toothpicks" instead. That didn't seem to bother mom. I did not believe in hell when I went into the church, although admittedly I had not given it much if any thought.

Along about in my junior high years, I had begun to read the science books of atheist Isaac Asimov, and I had become convinced that science had the answers to all the world's problems. I was not really sure that I even believed in God, really, although I still went to church because if I stayed home my dad would make me work in his garage.

Somehow, as Billy Walker proclaimed what the Bible says about hell, I knew it was real. I knew God was real. I knew I had sinned and offended God's holiness. I understood that I was in awful trouble with Him. I knew I desperately needed Jesus. An invitation was given to come to Jesus, but it involved coming forward to the front of the church to get help. My hands clutched the pew in front of me so tightly that I wonder if there might still be marks there. Others were going forward, and I could see that they were being treated kindly and not being caused embarrassment. Still, my shyness would not permit me to go forward. It is just impossible to overstate how much that shyness ruled my life.

All the way home,I was afraid we would have a car accident. I knew I would die and go to hell. When I got into bed that night, I could not go to sleep. I remembered Bible verses I had learned as a child in Vacation Bible School. "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). I still remembered it clearly, but I had wiped it off, thinking it meant that nobody's perfect. I hadn't understood that sin was a very serious offense to God. I also remembered, "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 6:23). I also remembered how to pray to receive Christ, which had also been taught by "Uncle Fran the Bible Man" Goodman in Vacation Bible School.

Realizing how deeply I needed God's forgiveness, I began to call out to Him, laying there in my own bed. I asked Him to forgive my sins and asked Jesus to become my Savior. I remember that I started that prayer in the only way I could at the time, "Oh God, if there is a God...." When I finished praying, my doubts about God were gone. He had become real to me. More tomorrow, as my spiritual journey continues.